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DAVE SANDERS
A goofy, clumsy, loveable lug that’s never had a lot of confidence around women. Think Chris Farley with a touch of Stimpy the Cat. He stutters, stammers, sweats, shakes and always says the wrong thing at the wrong time. In intense social situations he’s even been known to piss on himself! Despite his lack of game, this doesn’t stop Dave from trying and continuing to fail miserably with every chick that might give him the time of day. Our boy is a dreamer, often fantasizing about a storybook-perfect romance that comes crashing down in the face of reality. Fairly goalless (Dave just likes drinking and hanging out), he’s had many jobs-- from shoe salesman to cook to taxi driver--and has been fired from all of them. Dave’s a very horny dude and loves to masturbate. Night and day, at work or at home he uses any free moment to wack off. If it were a sport, he’d be the reigning champ. Very much a cartoon character; Dave can take a lot of abuse that would kill a real person, and his expressions and body language are very extreme.
COOTIE BROWN,
THE GHOST PIMP
A player and pimp since he was very young, Cootie has a cynical, predatory ‘you vs. her’ attitude towards women. He always had the style and the right words to attract any girl and never had problems getting women because he never really cared beyond his own needs. The bitches just better have his money! In the end, that would be his downfall. Cootie was murdered by his disgruntled Hoes way back in 1974, and now that God has sent his ass back to Earth, he’s very much a man out of his time. Fashion, styles and attitudes have changed in the last thirty odd years, and so have women. But Cootie hasn’t…he’s as vile, sexist, racist and un-PC as he was back in the day. He’s like the devil and angel on your shoulder, but Cootie beat that angel’s ass a long time ago. Ghost Pimp’s job is to help dudes without a clue get chicks, but Dave may take a lifetime to teach because he’s a freakin’ moron when it comes to women. Cootie’s an angel/ghost, so he can pass through objects, fly, and is very fluid like mercury or smoke. He can move solid objects (usually when he’s pissed), but it takes great effort. His outfits change often, sometimes in the middle of a scene, ‘cause you know Cootie’s got to have the fly-est pimp gear.
